Morgan McLintic on PR and Performance

Are you generous?

You probably like to think you are. Just like we’re all above-average drivers. But generosity comes in many forms. There are three main types that I can see:  

Financial – this is what most of us associate with generosity. Do we give a decent amount to charity? Buy good presents for friends and family? Stand a few rounds at the bar?

But this is the easiest form of generosity. Just dig your hand into your pocket and you’re done. Sure there’s an opportunity cost of the money, but unless you’re on the breadline or a billionaire philanthropist, you probably won’t feel much difference. And there’s utility in giving – it feels good.  

Temporal – fewer of us are generous with our time. It’s a fleeting resource and we never seem to have enough. If someone comes to your desk, do you give them your full attention? If your son wants to play a game, do you keep playing until he decides to stop, not you? 

In our multitasking world, giving someone your time and your attention is one of the most generous behaviors you can bestow. It takes practice to listen to them fully and not to make them feel rushed. To move on their timeline, rather than your own.  

For sure, we can’t always be generous with our time. We all have obligations. But making time for others, by planning unscheduled periods into our day enables us to be more generous when the opportunity arises.  

Emotional – this is the hardest form of generosity. We all find it hard to love people sometimes, but since love is hopefully reciprocal there is a strong reward.  

Harder is to give emotional empathy to colleagues and friends. To understand what’s going on in their lives, to take on their burdens and share them. Often this generosity goes unnoticed or without immediate thanks. Just when you feel you have given your all, you’ll get asked for more understanding, forgiveness or empathy. I’m sure caregivers feel this acutely, but it’s also common for parents and managers.  

But I think this is also the form which can have the most impact on the lives of others. The Christian faith says ‘Love thy neighbor’, a sentiment shared in other religions. Not give her money or time. Emotional generosity – transmitting warmth, empathy and understanding is powerful. It changes lives. It also has a real cost to us – it’s hard sometimes!  

We all like to think we are generous. But next time you sit behind the wheel of your car, consider whether you really are above-average.

Why I deleted Foursquare

I deleted Foursquare. I know it’s not cool to admit that, but it just didn’t add value for me.

Most people don’t lead especially fascinating lives - they go to work, go home, eat in the odd nice restaurant, and travel occasionally. Check-ins are either routine or for show. Gym rats check in at the gym to show how sporty they are. Jetsetters check in at various airports to show how much they travel. Foodies eat. Either that makes you feel envious or bored.

There is a voyeurisitic pleasure in tracking your friends’ progress around the globe. But that’s not an attractive quality. It’s good to know what they are up to but it’s awkward to raise it in conversation. ‘Oh so how was Restaurant Splendido, last Saturday?’ elicits an uncomfortable squirm. If 4SQ offered a chance to suggest they try the delicious pork chop while they were actually at the restaurant, it might be different.

Privacy concerns aside, the chance to meet up with friends who happen to be at the same location as you is theoretically interesting but in practice marginal. The discovery aspect of finding new locations can be done through richer channels.

The tips are good but unfiltered and without context. You don’t know who the author is, whether their opinion is considered or just a passing remark, or even from a competitive offering. You rarely get the information you want - like where the plug sockets are in the airport. There are other ways to get that info too.

I understand the potential marketing value of creating a Badge or offering discounts for Mayors etc. It’s not that geolocation is a bad idea - far from it. But from a user perspective you need to check in so often and the rewards are so low, it wasn’t compelling. My experience is that Foursquare is still a feature, not a network. For instance, the points system didn’t engage me, and the iPhone app seemed unstable.

These may have been addressed in the three months since I last checked in. But with Facebook’s geolocation rumored to be announced tomorrow, I wonder whether we’ll see the bloom come off Foursquare’s rose.

How to control your emotions

Unless you are a robot, you might not have full control over your emotions at all times. However with some practice and by building emotional awareness, we can learn to select the right emotion for each situation.

One way to do this is to pay attention to your emotional state. Notice when you are happy, frustrated, or angry and look at the circumstances which trigger that emotion. A trigger is a person, place or situation which sets your feelings racing. This might be as varied as the smell of a particular perfume, the queue at the car park or walking into the boss’ office. Chances are if those triggers recur, you’ll have a similar rush of emotions.

Once you have your triggers, you can be on the look-out for them and prepare. Perhaps you can seek them out if the emotions are positive – like playing your favorite song. Or avoid them if the emotions are negative – by delegating a particular task. Simply by being conscious of our emotional state as we are triggered, we’re more likely to be able to react appropriately. Repetition of this will ‘reprogram’ the trigger so you aren’t as affected.

Not only do we have the greatest control over our emotions, but we are also responsible for them. For instance, if we’re unhappy about something, that’s no-one’s responsibility but our own. We are the ones to feel that way, we experience the effects, and the main benefit of changing that emotion accrues to us. It’s no-one else’s job to make us happy.

Governing your own emotional state can have a hugely positive impact on your productivity, your team and your family. It may sound weird since so many people are at the mercy of their emotions, but the self-control will help you steer a straighter course. When it comes to separating stimulus from response, we're not aiming to become emotionless automatons like our friend here, but we're not victims of our circumstances either.